A Southerner Moves Up North

Jan 10: 5:00PM. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one 
we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture 
window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the 
ground. It was beautiful! 

Jan 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. 
What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. 
I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway 
and our sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our 
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved 
back and shoveled it again.

Jan 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped
to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight
of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by 
and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice 
when the temperature dropped again. Bough snow tires for both cars. Fell on my butt 
in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice 
expected.

Jan 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4X4 in order to get her to work. 
Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear 
quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white stuff last night. Both vehicles covered
in snow and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That dang snowplow came by twice 
today.

Jan 15: 2 degrees outside. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. 
Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a 
kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the 
flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and 
eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room......It was totalled.

Jan 16: Dang white crap keeps on coming down. Have to put all the clothes we own on just 
to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-gun that drives the snowplow I'll chew
open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits to cover
up our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to 
cave in.

Jan 17: Six more inches of snow and sleet and ice and God knows what other kind of white 
crap fell last night. I wounded the snowplow driver with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife 
left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snowblind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen
the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill, -38 degrees......


I'M MOVING BACK SOUTH!