A Real Soap Opera 

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and
one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! 

Dear Maid, 

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have 
brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the 
shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. 
They are in my way. 

Thank you, 
S. Berman 



Dear Room 635, 

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. 
I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars 
on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case 
you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my 
instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory. 

Kathy, 
Relief Maid 



Dear Maid, 

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her 
concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you
had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here 
in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 
6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, 
etc. Please remove them. 

S. Berman 



Dear Mr. Berman, 

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed
by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them 
in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your 
convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside 
the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you 
checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance. 

Your regular maid, 
Dotty 



Dear Mr. Berman, 

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him 
last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a 
new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. 
If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you. 

Elaine Carmen 
Housekeeper 



Dear Miss Carmen, 

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM 
and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. 
You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those
little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in 
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her 
regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated
24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? 

S. Berman 



Dear Mr. Berman, 

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the 
extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 
8AM and 5PM. 

Thank you, 

Elaine Carmen, 
Housekeeper 



Dear Mr. Kensedder, 

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own 
bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little 
Cashmere Bouquets. 

S. Berman 



Dear Mr. Berman, 

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand 
why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap 
each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept 
my apologies for the inconvenience. 

Martin L. Kensedder 
Assistant Manager 



Dear Mrs. Carmen, 

Who . . . left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little 
bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one . . . bar of bath-size 
Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial. 

S. Berman 



Dear Mr. Berman, 

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained 
to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays
which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know 
anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had 
returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know 
where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some 
bath-size Ivory which I left in your room. 

Elaine Carmen 
Housekeeper 



Dear Mrs. Carmen, 

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: 
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. 
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, 
  and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. 
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. 
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. 
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. 

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and 
dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I 
suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for 
future soap deliveries. 

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the 
hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman