Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One 

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said to the other, 
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode 
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, 
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 


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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two 

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 


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Comprehending Engineers - Take Three 

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow
group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been 
waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such ineptitude!" 

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." 

The doctor says, "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, 
aren't they?" 

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They 
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let 
them play for free anytime." 

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will 
say a special prayer for them tonight." 

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and 
see if there's anything he can do for them." 

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" 


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Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

A priest, a drunkard and an engineer were lead to a guillotine. They ask the priest
if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would
like to face up so he would be looking toward Heaven when he died. They raised the blade 
of the guillotine and released it. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped, just inches 
from his neck. The authorities took this as Divine Intervention and released the priest. 

Next, the drunkard came to the guillotine, and he also decided to die facing up, hoping he 
would be as fortunate as the priest. So the blade of the guillotine was raised again, and 
released. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck, so he was 
released as well. 

The engineer was next, and he too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade 
of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, "Hey, I see what the problem is..."


***** 
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five 

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? 
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, 
Civil Engineers build targets.


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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six 

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 


***** 
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers 
of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands
of electrical connections." 

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste 
pipeline through a recreational area?"


***** 
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight 

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that 
if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." 
    -Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle


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Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine 

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend 
time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, 
building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time 
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.  

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" The other two asked in surprise.  

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending
time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten 

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, 

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". 

So, he bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. 

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful 
princess, I will stay with you for one week." 

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. 

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you 
and do ANYTHING you want." 

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, 
that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, 
but a talking frog, now that's cool."