Most Embarrassing Moments

Some of these are priceless.....

Lady Golfer

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was 
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several 
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works 
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at 
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Colleen Collins,
31, Ferndale, MI


Nuts about You

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety 
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy  behind the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." 
My sister started to laugh  hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned 
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

Faye Emerick,
34, Ellerslie, MD


Strip Mall

My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day. We were going 
from store to store, and the kids were getting restless.  At one crowded store, 
I was standing near a bench when my 3-year-old climbed up on it, grabbed hold 
of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped off pulling both my shorts and my underwear
to the floor. I raced out of there, much to the delight of the appreciative
onlookers.

Patricia Lamond-Stocksick,
35, Lathrop, CA


Curl Up and Die

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

Melinda Lowe,
39, Seguin, TX


Pad, please!

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.  
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow 
as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He 
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

Kathy Newman,
46,Winston-Salem, NC


Ho, Ho, Ho

I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and 
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess,he looked adorable, 
so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I 
had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.  Days later, 
a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I 
take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover 
that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing
nothing but a camera!

Name Withheld


The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in the 
"New Woman Magazine":


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some 
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving
looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not 
start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the 
eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right
now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The 
silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity 
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.  The last thing I heard when the
door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Amy Richardson;
Stafford, Virginia


Surprise!

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,  but my parents 
had gone out for the evening, so I invited my  girlfriend over for a romantic night 
alone. As we lay in bed after sex, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested 
to my girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. When we got to 
the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, 
"SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment 
for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise
party again.

Tim Cahill,
Poughkeepsie, New York


Priceless

One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time 
was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got 
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her
embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear,  "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but 
somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for 
"THUMBTACKS."  In a business-like tone, a voice boomed backover the intercom. "DO YOU 
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

Unknown


Mom's Advice

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, 
scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was 
going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.  The teacher told him to go down to the principal's 
office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it 
and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.  
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis 
hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, 
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from
school."

Chris Vaught